For real

I would like to share with you a couple of actual questions that were on the last quiz I took in my Abnormal Psychology class. (These are all verbatim!)

10. According to the text, you are more likely to develop an anxiety disorder if:
a. You are female
b. You are male
c. You are below the age of 11
d. You are a flaming, gaping ass hole

15. If you believe Generalized Anxiety Disorder is due to a universal fear of the limits and responsibilities of one's existence, you are most likely:
a. A cognitive-behaviorist
b. A sissy
c. A humanist
d. An existentialist

16. When your therapist helps you to overcome a phobia by actually doing the thing that you most fear (i.e. handling a snake, or letting a spider crawl across her arm, etc.) she is using the behavioral method of:
a. Showing you what a freakin wimp, whiner, girly man you are
b. Flooding
c. Modeling
d. Systematic frightening to death

17. If your therapist wants you to get over your anxiety and fear of heights by looking out the window of the 100th floor of a building until the anxiety dissipates, she:
a. Ain't talkin to my ass!
b. Is using the technique of flooding
c. Is using the technique of modeling
d. Wants to see a grown man soil his undies and then be reduced to a sniveling pile of jelly because she is a man-hating feminist turbo-diesel dyke

18. If you swallow all the anti-psychotic, anti-anxiety, and anti-depression drugs in the world at the same time:
a. You will gain five pounds and look like a great fat beached whale
b. You will develop immunity to psychosis, anxiety and depression but it won't matter you brainless dipwad because you will...not be only merely dead, but really most sincerely dead (from the Wizard of Oz, in case you wondered or didn't already know)
c. Why the hell would you wanna do that? Yeeeeesh, what a schmuck you must be!
d. Please mark "d" for this question on the bubble sheet, or you will get it wrong. And once again I accept your gratitude for yet another freebie five-pointer. You owe me, big time.

20. If you had made up this question, you would:
a. Attach a twenty dollar bill to the answer sheet when you turn it in.
(this was the only answer listed for this question.)

And that is for real. College sucks a lot of dick sometimes, but once in a while you get a teacher like Dr. Wilson who doesn't take things so seriously. Don't get the impression that he's a total putz -- he is an awesome teacher, and I have learned a lot from him in the two semesters that I have had him. He just has an awesome sense of humor and once in a while he cuts us a break when he knows we have been going over some really hard material.

In short, Dr. Wilson is the balls.

Boring things about things

So, I think I might join a club. This is a big deal, because I've never been very social school-wise since I started college, I guess because I never lived on-campus and all. I mean, I've never even, like, been to a football game (except for 1/4 of one last year but it was cold so I left before halftime). Anyway it's called Psi Chi and before you get any willy-nilly thoughts in your head about sororities or any of that, it's not one, and if you know me you will probably agree that pigs will shit out diamond cheeseburgers before I decide to join a sorority. It's a Psychology honor society that will basically look good on paper and maybe get me some scholarships. Also, unlike a lot of other clubs I have considered, they don't make you do shit like build fences for the whales or any of that. I guess psychologists generally aren't very benevolent people (truth). It's actually got some kind of stringent requirements about GPA and number of hours and stuff, but I just checked and I'm pretty sure I meet them (I'm a genius). Last year I got invited to join some other thing, Psi Gamma Beta or some crap, which was also an honor society, and I joined it and forgot about it, but membership is lifelong so I can still put that bitch on my resume. So I suppose if I do decide to join this thing, the two will look nice together and people will throw money at me for the rest of my life. Right?

I know what you're thinking...Y SO BORING?

Well, I started damn-ass school yesterday, but it is not so bad. Yesterday I had Family Development Over the Life Cycle, Social Psychology, and Teachers Schools and Learners. Then today I had Abnormal Psychology and Statistics. Starting next week on Mondays and Wednesdays I will be "mentoring" at Blowing Rock Elementary School in the 5th Dimension program, and I think when they tell me I will be "mentoring" they mean I will be "babysitting until the kids' parents get off work and pick them up like a bucket of chicken on Friday night," but it's half of my credit for my Teachers class, so I have to do it. That's sort of lame, because I'm not even a teaching major, but I have to do all this teaching stuff for this class. Not a big deal, not like I've never done that stuff before, but it's kind of a drag because one of the reasons I switched my major from Elementary Ed was because I hated all the internships and field work and I figured if I hated that stuff already, I'd be a pretty shitty teacher. But now I'm stuck doing it again. It's like I can't get away! I think I'm the only person in my class who isn't an Education major. But anyway, like I said, I'm not pissed about it or anything. It's only for one semester, so I'll live.

That reminds me of an incredibly long and boring story. Last semester I was required to visit my department advisor before I could register for classes. This was right after I declared my major as Child Development with the Psychology concentration. See, I want to be a guidance counselor (don't judge me) so I think this is a pretty logical course of study -- as do all the other professors I've talked to. Anyway, so I go to my advisor, and she's all asking me what I want to be when I grow up, and I say a high school guidance counselor, and she gets all fresh and says "Well, why are you majoring in Child Development then?" So I says to her, I says, "Because I want to be...a counselor...notice the Psych concentration..." And she acts like I am just this huge dumbass who has never been to college and I could not have PICKED a worse major for what I want to be. So she basically tells me I'm all wrong and that I'm fucked, and mentions the name of the head of the graduate counseling department in the process. So she gets me all stressed out, right? So I go home and decide to email the department head and ask her if I'm totally fucked. I get an email from her a couple days later and she says that Child Development/Psych is a perfect major for her Counseling program. CHECK and MATE, bitch. Anyway, the point is, guess who teaches my Life Cycle class? My advisor. I don't think she remembers me, but maybe she does, and she spends the whole class thinking about what an imbecile I must be.

I'm in the school library right now, nerding away, because Jay is down the street at his friend's house playing DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS. I'm not judging, but...I'm just throwing that out there. You decide.